Reasons Why Kindhearted People Stay In Toxic Relationships

Many of us at one stage of our life may have had a toxic relationship. Most of us may not even have recognized it at the time that is was toxic. It may have lasted a month, a year, or 30 years. Regardless what the length of time was, we recognize in retrospect that it was too long!


Toxic relationships can be insidious, meaning they may sneak up on us slowly. First we assume everything is great. We continue assuming the person cares for us, is charming, complimentary, must have a good heart, and the very best of intentions.

But then we just start feeling a little uncomfortable about certain comments, or observed inappropriate behaviors and we start feeling unsure, slightly hurt, and diminished after each interaction.

They can occur within any framework of human connection, with a boss, co-worker, sibling, partner, friend, someone we date, or someone we marry!

Most people may not even have identified the toxicity, or rather, the depth and intensity of the toxicity.

Our initial sign is that something just 'isn't' right'.

We may have to justify, defend, make excuses, be embarrassed for, minimize the bad, maximize the good behavior of the person who is infecting us with this poisonous toxicity.

Defending the offender is always a sign of low self worth. But unfortunately most kind hearted people don't even recognize even the initial signs of dysfunction.

Most people stay in toxic relationships because  they:

• are young, inexperienced, and naive
• have low self confidence and self worth
• are unaware of their own needs, wants or rights
• have very little or no idea about appropriate boundaries
• don't have a supportive network of friends or family to depend on for healthy guidance
• believe they don't deserve any better
• settle because they are lonely and afraid of being alone
• are getting payoffs such as receiving gifts, enhancing their own status, are provided with  security
• have bought into the convenient and distorted belief that things will get better
• are insecure about their own ability to survive in the world
• have become manipulated, isolated and totally dependent on this toxic relationship for all their needs for friendship, love, financial security, and sense of purpose
• may be related to this person, so have adopted a pattern of accepting their behavior as a method of not rocking the boat in the family dynamic 
  

People stay in toxic relationships also because it may be familiar. They may have been raised in families where they witnessed that it was acceptable and tolerable to be emotionally, physically, spiritually abused, dominated, manipulated, bullied, belittled, disrespected, disregarded, unrecognized, unacknowledged, dismissed, shamed, guilted, intimidated, compared, and basically devalued for their uniqueness.

The opposite of all these behaviors feels very unfamiliar so they repeat the known, or unknown, toxic cycle. They were never shown the keys or taught how to get out!

Many loving people remain in toxic relationships because they are afraid of hoping for something better. Their trust has been abused and they have been disappointed so many times that they just surrender to their only perceived choice. They give up hope of receiving anything else but a repetition of the same. Once they get to this stage an apathy sets in.

Being in this stage for prolonged periods of time sets people up for creating illness. This is the stage where the body may begin to speak for us, the words we are unable, in the form of symptoms such as chronic pain, obesity, inflammatory disorders, addictions, migraine, even cancer.

Many kindhearted people medicate via food, drugs and alcohol rather than face their painful reality. 

Every human being yearns to be loved, cherished and valued. I believe suppression and longing for our instinctual state of love leads to a spiritual depression.

Once we begin to even realize we are deserving and start taking our power back, we can choose to see that toxic relationships can be a great opportunity to learn and identify what we DO NOT want. They can facilitate our greatest spiritual growth, start us on the road to rebuilding our self worth and faith in people again.

If you can relate to any of the previously mentioned behaviors or if something is triggered in you by this discussion, I urge you to look deeper and reach out. It may save you years of unnecessary suffering.

At the current level of planetary consciousness, we are beginning to see many people making tremendous breakthroughs in dysfunctional and toxic inherited patterns. The world really is dependent on all of us to truly share our tremendous love, sensitivity, uniqueness and gifts NOW!

Stay tuned and subscribe to my blog for more tips on how to begin this journey of finding the love you truly are.

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