Developing and maintaining healthy boundaries is essential for healthy self esteem and allows us to clearly differentiate and express who we are as an individual.
Healthy boundaries allow us to cope better in all relationships and define our uniqueness. Put simply, without boundaries we can't share who we are with the world!
Boundaries are like invisible 'force fields' that keep other people from coming into our space and mistreating us. Boundaries also keep us from going into others' space and abusing them, and provide a 'space' for us to individuate, and be separate from one another.
Boundaries can be external or internal. External boundaries refer to physical and sexual proxomities which we allow, or choose to distance ourselves from when we are in proximity to others. Boundaries are the invisible parameters which keep us safe. Internal boundaries are more intangible and protect our feelings, thinking and behavior.
Many of us were raised with damaged, non existent, dysfunctional and unclear boundaries.
The topic of boundaries was certainly not discussed at any length or clarity when I was growing up. However my body always gave me a sign that something wasn't 'right', even if I didn't have the confidence to put it into words, to speak up, or ask for help.
I had to learn the hard way and spent most of my life people pleasing, not knowing where I began and where they ended. Every interaction was stressful, confusing, and usually ended in me feeling guilt.
I recognize now that I had numerous boundary issues. For example, permeable boundaries. The greater part of my childhood I felt like a push over. I felt ignored, taken advantage of and not recognized as an individual.
Sometimes my boundaries were too rigid and I may have appeared cold, disinterested and this behavior made me unapproachable, I was perceived as disinterested and perhaps even arrogant. This lead me to feel very isolated. I didn't know back then that it was due to unhealthy boundaries.
You can begin to clearly see how low self worth and low self confidence are associated with poorly developed boundaries. Low self love or a lack of self respect are also indicative.
Children are unable to differentiate themselves from others and so they personalize everything. So children innocently adopt boundary issues their parents had. Any abuse they were exposed to damaged their boundaries and taught them what is appropriate or not.
For example, if your mother didn't know how to say 'no', you most likely will struggle with the confidence and self assertion to say 'no' also. If she politely tolerated verbal attacks, you will find it challenging to withstand similar emotionally abusive situations when you are an adult.
An inability to assertively say 'no' invites a lack of respect in relationships. These same boundary issues may present in partner relationships, friendships or work situations.
When our boundaries are intact and flexible we can choose to be loving and intimate but at the same time be protected against being taken advantage of or abused. Abuse can constitute physical, emotional, sexual, intellectual or spiritual.
There are many signs that indicate we may have boundary issues, such as:
- Being oversensitive and overwhelmed with other peoples emotions, needs, problems, and moods
- Feeling exhausted, angry and frustrated due to caring for everyone but not receiving care or recognition in return
- Feelings of heaviness and experiencing illnesses due to 'absorbing' other peoples energies, or spending time in a negative environment
- Compulsively caring for other peoples needs, even without them asking us, and neglecting our own needs
- Wearing your 'heart on your sleeve'
- Sudden and unknown attacks of negativity
- Consistent people pleasing
- Repeatedly finding yourself in manipulative relationships where you feel taken for granted and lonely
- Habitually feeling anxious, needing to always look out for lurking dangers
If our boundaries are healthy and intact we are able to attract all that we need to sustain us, that includes information, relationships, guidance, opportunities, and healing. We will more easily identify and avoid situations, relationships and people that are not right for us or may be damaging to us.
Healthy boundaries allow us to hear the guidance of our hearts much more clearly. We are more confidently able to make decisions that we feel are right for us despite feedback from others who may disagree.
We respect others as individuals and don't feel threatened or upset because they are different from us. Healthy boundaries enable us to discern the voice of intuition and this is our connection to living our life with purpose.
We are each responsible for the quality of our own inner life, and the creation of our outer life. When we become aware of our own boundaries, whether they are too rigid, inflexible, inappropriate, unclear or non existent, we can begin making changes and start living life on OUR terms.
We will no longer be confused about who we are or what we came here to do, or exactly how we choose to express our individuality. We will no longer seek permission or approval because we will realize that internal peace and a life of joy is our own responsibility.
If this information resonated with you, and you too are interested in further developing self awareness, then feel free to subscribe to my blog for more inspiring and enlightening discussions!
www.journeythruwellness.com
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