Most loving, empathetic and open hearted women will never know when they have been lured and are under the spell of a narcissist.
There may be evidence of slight narcissistic behavior in a relationship, or the full blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Identifying common characteristics of this toxic disorder sooner rather than later, is critical.
Don't waste a month, a year, or 3 children and 40 years! According to most psychologists these people cannot change. Don't fall into the illusion that you can change them, help them, or save them. Instead, focus on saving yourself!
Some women are magnetized by their allure, self proffered status, sexual magnetism, physical appearance, supreme confidence and magical charm. They seem to possess all of these enticing and irresistible qualities.
The narcissist creates the complete and convincing illusion of being a hero, perfect lover, and ultimate husband material.
If you suspect you might be dating a narcissist because you are starting to witness the unraveling of a lack of certain basic relationship considerations, be sure to to know there are further predictable stages you can anticipate!
Initially you may have been fascinated by how worldly he was. You admired how he could talk endlessly (and literally!) for hours about his brilliant achievements, his realizations, and his knowledge. He seemed to have an opinion on everything.
He lured you with his seemingly superior intelligence and quick wit. You were amazed at how he could finish your sentences and could even read your mind!
He dropped names of famous people he frequently rubbed shoulders with, how he read all the ancient spiritual texts, how he possessed the answers to humanity's ignorance. You admired how he thrived on captivating his audience. He may even be brilliant at his career and have gained a recognized status, so he will not miss an opportunity to make sure you are aware of how privileged you are to be just in his presence.
He thoroughly convinced you, and a small crowd of adoring fans (all of which are women), of his brilliance, eloquence, and sheer genius.
You observed all of this so, by him only paying you such preferential attention, he made you feel special. In a way that you have never felt special before. He singled out poor little you from all these other gorgeous women who were also utterly captivated by him.
He perhaps even clearly admitted he just can't help having all these others admire him. He is honest and kind enough to point out that its just something you will have to understand and simply get used to.
Perhaps after a few weeks, you will reach the next stage I like to call the 'evasion of confirmation of being in an exclusive relationship with you. Also known as the beginning of you feeling like you're crazy!
You're super confused and hesitant about bringing attention to something that's important to you. Whether its his excessive flirting or your suspicion of his addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling, or probably unbeknownst to you at this stage, other women. He will minimize your every concern and lull you into a false sense of security. You will start doubting your inner-tuition.
He says words that make you feel so understood, and cherished. Yet his evasiveness regarding 'what kind of relationship are we actually in?', is quite questionable. The boundaries are very unclear.
When you very gently try to address the issue, or even confront him, he very quickly twists it around to his perspective, distorts your question, seems confused, then belittles your concern, and laughs at your suggestion that he is the one who is 'unclear'. He then goes on to appear to be totally unruffled and at peace.
So the 'relationship' continues on his terms. You have no clear answers. You tell yourself he's really worth the wait, after all you have such a strong connection!
All these tactics are meant to deter you from asking him again about any confirmation of where the relationship stands. If you do persist with voicing your need for clarification that's when you will get to witness his full Jekyll and Hyde rage erupt.
How dare you insinuate his supposed inability to commit, or be unclear, or indecisive? Did you forget how special, wise, adored and respected HE is?
He will remind you that it is YOU who doesn't understand love, relationships, that YOU have jealousy issues, and you need to just relax because its your accusations that are making him turn into this enraged person.
He might even throw in a reminder of his torturous childhood and that his mum, church, the vibes, the economy, the government, your inability to accept or support him just as he is, are all to blame.
After that emotionally dramatic expression of what he convinced you to believe was him baring his soul, he is actually content with his performance. He decides when that conversation is over.
You on the other hand are going crazy analyzing, replaying scenes in your mind endlessly trying to get the most preferential outcome that makes you feel secure that you have a solid relationship.
You keep wondering why he can't empathize or why HE isn't the one asking to confirm this wonderful relationship that you assumed you were in.
It is too late now because your heart is invested and unfortunately you have been intoxicated by his seemingly inescapable charm. Energetically you are entwined.
You many not realize that every time you think of him and feel your longing for this imagined non- reciprocated loving relationship, you are strengthening the energetic toxic cord between you.
You lose your sense of self worth, self confidence and start to settle for whatever bits of attention he chooses give you.
You start wondering if you were skinnier, had longer legs, a better smile, had black hair, or blonde hair, a flatter tummy or if you were smarter, more outgoing then perhaps he would fully commit to you.
You conclude it must be your fault. You decide to change to please him. Maybe that will make him realize that you are loveable and you'll spark his undivided attention again, like the first time he saw you.
You convince yourself that every man, besides him, will just never do. You tell yourself (and all your friends that will listen to your justifications of his disrespectful behavior) that you have had such special soul connection that there will never be another, like him.
If you are reading this and recognize any of these scenarios I strongly suggest you start remembering that you are an amazing woman who deserves to be respected for your uniqueness and your needs in a relationship.
If you don't get clarification of where you stand in a relationship make it very clear that you have set a time limit for him to tell you one way or anther. Take your power back!
Boundaries are essential for any relationship. Save yourself the heartache and invest the pleasure of your company in someone who values you. Make it about you and your happiness. You set the standard of how others treat you.
Actions speak louder than words. Narcissists are brilliant with words, its an art form to them. Wait to observe how he behaves.
Does he ask your opinion, or belittle your self expression?
Does he wait to really hear what is important to you, or interrupt with his version?
Does he value your choices and preferences, or try to convert you to what he decides is right for you?
Answers to these questions are indicative of emotional toxicity. Anyone who wants you to live in misery for their happiness should not be in your life to begin with.
Narcissists teach us how to individuate and encourage us to live our life authentically. The narcissist can cause us so much emotional and psychological pain that we must grow stronger in expressing our values, opinions, and choices. If we don't, that pain will continue either in this relationship or the next.
A relationship of any duration with a narcissist can strengthen our psychological muscle. We can begin to really define and state our boundaries. We can begin to navigate our life with intuition, greater clarity, and a stronger connection to our higher Self .
Once we really and truly value ourselves the narcissists' job is done. We will have such strong boundaries and know we are deserving of only love, honesty, appreciation, encouragement, clarity and commitment. These strong qualities aren't appealing to the narcissist so you will no longer attract this toxic behavior. They are repellent by strong women with high self worth.
Once you start attracting and accepting only loving relationships based on mutual and clear grounds you will realize the relationship with an NDP (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) has actually sped up your souls evolution.
For its in your absolute knowing of what you really DON'T want, that you gain crystal clear clarity and decisiveness about what you DO want!
You are on the path to living your life authentically and creating a life of YOUR choosing!
www.journeythruwellness.com
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