HSP And The Price Of Self Betrayal

Highly Sensitive People often minimize discomfort and messages from their body about situations they're not happy about.

Do you remember a time in your past when you were at a job you absolutely loathed? Do you remember the gut wrenching thoughts you were having before you went to bed each night, when you woke each morning, how your body felt walking into that work place? How much tension you were holding each and every day you tried to convince yourself you like it there, that its not so bad?

Now fast forward to the day you knew you were going to quit. The relief you felt when you faced your fear and courageously told your boss when your last day will be. Remember the tremendous sense of weight being taken off your shoulders, the ease you felt as you finally walked out?

What are acts of self betrayal?

Recalling events like these in our mind helps us remember how much energy it takes to live a lie. I'm sure many HSP  can relate to experiences like this.

Whether its going to a party we didn't really want to go to, or enduring another Christmas with relatives whose company we didn't enjoy, or pretending the new guy we're dating is a prospective boyfriend.

These are all examples of the numerous times we lie to ourselves. This self betrayal is the worst kind of deception. When our body and conscience says one thing, but our ego mind convinces us of the exact opposite.

Our body is an instrument attuned to truth. It communicates with us constantly via sensations. We either feel good or not so good.

Highly Sensitive People feel truth or deception acutely. This is our gift.

It only begins to feel like a curse if we try to ignore or supress the messages.

Lying to ourselves about what we know is truth costs us dearly. The longer we live these lies, the louder the messages we receive from from our body in physical signs of discomfort and dis-ease.

Life IS meant to be good for us. I love the affirmation: "You will know your path by the ease of it".

Bumps in the road, indisputable signs from our body offer us opportunities to be truthful with ourselves. Does this bring us joy? Are we really happy? Are we pleasing others, or fear displeasing them or the system? Are we fearful of making waves? How easily can we identify what we want or don't want?

Each choice we make, fail to make, or ignore is like a temperature gauge. Are we getting warmer and closer to living life authentically? Or are we getting colder and further away from living life on our terms?

The moment we are able to tell the truth, the faster our healing will begin. Whether its a job, relationship or our health. Notice the signs life is giving you. If things are difficult, are you forcefully pushing through it, or are you stopping to listen and be aware of how you truly feel?

Do you know a Highly Sensitive woman like this...?

Take for example the loving, sacrificing, people pleasing woman we all love. She gives her all to her family, children, job and partner. Everyone's needs come before hers.

After years of endless giving, she starts getting tired but ignores her own body's needs because she doesn't want to disappoint anyone.

She notices she is gaining weight because she soothes her stress with over eating comfort foods. She develops other symptoms such as severe muscle tension, migraines and indigestion that make it difficult to keep up the pace shes used to.

She suffers shame, guilt and self hatred for her body because it just wont do what it used to. She imagines people won't love her because she can no longer do as much as in the past. But she still keeps going. She has an imagined image to uphold.

Shortly thereafter she's diagnosed with chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. Supposedly 'out of the blue' her unobservant friends say. She struggles to accept help from her loved ones. She's never been shown how to receive.

She continues to ignore these signs from her body, and is surprised that a year later her doctor diagnoses her with suspicious breast issues that must be investigated further.

Only then, is she forced to surrender and reluctantly receive help. She now begins learning the importance of nurturing herself, and the foreign concept of self love.

At what point could she have started telling the truth, to herself? Are you one of these women? At what point could she have honored her body and listened?

Are you listening to the indisputable signs?

How many of us aren't listening? What subtle signs have you been getting to quit that job and follow your heart? What is your body telling you when you notice yourself losing energy around a certain person?

When do you notice that you feel alive with an endless supply of vitality? Who do you feel good around? What activity happily keeps you up til 2am? What enthusiastic ideas get you jumping out of bed in the morning?

We can continue lying to ourselves and pretend that it's a total surprise when we finally get a serious diagnosis, or an 'accident' occurs bringing our life to a halt. Prolonged self betrayal can come at a high price.

We may not want to confront our truth but life has an interesting way of showing us exactly when we are on track, or when we aren't.

How much longer can you betray yourself?

So many of HSP are on that treadmill. Predominantly doing things that we don't want to admit to ourselves we aren't completely happy with.

We tend to see illness as a bad thing, to be cut out and medicated, so we can continue on our merry way toward a denied Self destruction.

We get angry when illness slows us down. We take another pill and 'soldier on'. Its as if care of our body is a hindrance to our unrelenting ego.

Don't wait for more serious signs to get your attention. Have a heart to heart with yourself. Reassess whether the goals you set last year are still relevant to you today. Ask yourself where you need to cut ties, and with whom.

Its ok to change your mind. Its ok to slow down, re evaluate, or downsize. Don't betray yourself for a moment longer.

Many of us get to a certain age and wonder why we spent so many years in careers that cost us our health, and precious friendships.

Or why we invested so much of ourselves in dead end relationships with unsuitable partners we knew should've ended sooner.

Time is precious. Spend it wisely. Only on things that bring YOU joy and fulfillment.

Your body is your temple and the only vehicle you have to navigate this lifetime. Treat it lovingly and kindly.

You don't have wait for permission from a doctors diagnosis, to stop doing things you don't enjoy.

Please subscribe for more inspiring clips for Highly Sensitive People here.

From Bitter To Better: How Has Trauma Transformed You?

We have all experienced trauma, its part of the human condition. Most people consider trauma a one time event. We consider it traumatic to have had experienced the loss of a loved one, a life changing accident, rape, sexual or physical abuse, loss of a job or relationship, for example.

There is also trauma that is more insidious that slowly chips away at our self esteem, our goodness. This form of trauma is very subtle, and its rarely recognized for the negative impact it has. Because our self worth is eroded slowly day by day, we learn to accept that this is normal. That is the long term effects of daily traumatic experiences of being in a long term toxic relationship, or being chronically bullied, for example.

Trauma is very personal to every individuals perception, so not validating someone else’s experience as traumatic for them, is actually an act of re-traumatization.

Trauma is associated with a shattering betrayal of some sort. The way a person experiences, or survives a trauma needs to be respected, certainly not dismissed or minimized in any way. 

When we experience a trauma we become disconnected from our bodies, so we struggle to be fully present. There seems to be a constant sense of nostalgia that we carry, which feel like a loss of something. That something, is our Authentic Self.

Trauma scrambles our sense of right and wrong. It shatters our sense of trust, of security in something or someone we previously believed in. Trauma frequently may express itself via a physical or psychological illness.

Trauma forces us to perceive our life in a different way. It compels us to re-evaluate our perception. And it is in this realization that we face a big fork in the road, so to speak.

Our belief and trust has been shattered, and we have two options. To get justifiably bitter, and remain a victim. Or, we can empower ourselves by gradually learning to possibly see this trauma as a way to totally alter our perception of 'reality' and, go inward.

I certainly can relate to this when after two decades of perceived friendships, goodwill, and consistency of a religion I was raised in since childhood, suddenly withdrew all support. 

The sense of isolation, rejection, and guilt was soul crushing. I knew I was a good person but to all those people I loved, my hearts choice to no longer blindly follow their chosen religion was seen as an act of rebellion against God. And I was severely punished, and shunned.

It took me many years to put this experience into a greater perspective. I’m still realizing valuable lessons and gaining wisdom from that crushing experience, and several other traumas that altered my whole world.

I believe trauma calls us to rebuild ourselves from the inside, to learn to trust our inner senses more. To survive a traumatic event we have to begin to see it through our soul's eyes. Nothing on the outside makes sense, what has happened is totally irrational and there is no justifiable reason for the horrific things we may have endured.

When we experience trauma its the beginning of an awakening process. Its almost like our bubble, what we thought was real, what we relied on, has burst. Our exterior world has been annihilated.

We start to recall all the times when possibly we dismissed urging from our intuition that something wasn't right. A subtle but uncomfortable feeling, a certain tone of voice, an inappropriate behaviour, for example. 

Sometimes there’s no signs at all. No matter how many times we replay the event back in our mind, there are no clues whatsoever.

Because our trust in the outter world has been destroyed we start to hear, and begin to trust our Inner voice more than ever before. And this can truly be traumas biggest blessing. Our biggest opportunity for our evolution.

Trauma can accelerate our ability to be compassionate toward others in ways we were never before. We can connect to others from such a deep place in our heart. Trauma can awaken a deep sense of love, and can even speed up our realization of life purpose.

It can take a long time to begin to depersonalize from our experience of trauma. 

If you are challenged by a traumatic event, are you able to step back and perhaps see all the insight we've gained because of that occurrence? 

 

What helped me gain a wider perspective of some extremely harrowing traumas that I experienced was the new story that I had to tell myself. I began to consider beliefs which helped me survive.

One such story that I live with is that I am an immortal Soul. That this is just one lifetime. It doesn't end for me here, even though the illusion of an aging body seems convincing some days.

The trauma I experienced of watching my mum die excruciatingly of cancer for four years really helped me adopt this belief. I don’t think, I now know, she is an immortal being and with me. I know we are bound by our love.

I remember moments that we both shared of being in a space of seeming eternity. Beyond the horrors of what was going on physically, it was as if she was untouchable. Her loving presence in those ghastly and incomprehensible moments confirmed my belief in a non physical reality.

The trauma of being forced to let go of the identification of the body I recognized as my mum was very painful. I had to go In and embrace new beliefs to be able to survive this shattering transition. 

Regarding perpetrators of trauma, I'm now choosing to believe that they really don’t know what they are doing. They truly must be in a dark place themselves. Unaware, disconnected, perhaps coerced by their own unexamined beliefs. Only hurt people, hurt other people.

So my journey continues. I know I need to transcend my ego, my anger, rage and bitterness, and see all trauma through my Higher Self's eyes. Trauma seems to be our calling to awaken to spirit. 

I've also come to the conclusion that by me not being able to change my perspective of trauma I'm further hurting myself by repeating the story internally. I must change the story to keep it from re-truamatizing myself. The past is the past, and I refuse to let it take away from the brilliant life I have now. 

Yes its easier said than done. But I have learned to ask for help and there are amazing people and therapies that can help us crawl out of that deep hole called trauma. We don't have to be alone in our healing.

I can choose to stay bitter for the rest of my life, or get better, expand my heart space beyond what I thought I was capable of.

It is challenging and takes commitment. But every day, and with every conscious thought, I'm being compassionate toward myself We are all walking each other home.

Subscribe to my YouTube channel here