Once upon a time there was a precious little girl. She was inquisitive. Spontaneous and a daydreamer.
Being an only child she spent a lot of time in her imagination, where she frequently escaped to.
Just a sheer thought of the ocean or the forest filled her with awe and joy. She felt the safety and comfort of nature and her animal friends envelop her.
The magical word she lived in had no limits. There was nothing but ease, endless possibilities, and expansion. Her creativity was boundless.
She loved to collect her mothers magazines so she could cut out favorite pictures of experiences she would like to have when she grew up. She loved most to paste those pictures on a big, brightly colored piece of cardboard that she could look at every day and smile.
She thrived in the simplicity of this creative process. It was so much fun!
Then one day things began to change.
One of the adults began to ask questions. "Why are you doing such a silly thing? Do you know how much money it costs to buy this? Do that? Do you know the kind of people who can only afford this? Why don't you spend your time more productively"
She heard, and for the first time felt, words like illogical and irrational. She felt the impact of the sensation that arose in her, of judgment, criticism, and shame.
Her inner magical world began to shrivel and fade.
She believed the adults because after all, they loved her...didn't they? And she trusted them.
She grew up quickly and learned to value being 'realistic'. She reluctantly surrendered to their definition of the 'real' world and concluded they knew what was best for her.
The adults guided her to believe there were limits in this physical reality. That's just how the 'real' world was. That's what they had experienced, and their grandparents before them.
They encouraged her to participate in things that didn't come naturally to her, or bought her joy. But that didn't matter because it brought them satisfaction and pride.
She learned that pleasing others was priority, and it was approved of.
Approval felt great. Almost like... love?? And disapproval was bad.
Her curious mind, any outspokenness, or non conformity could shame the entire family.
On the very rare occasions when she attempted to express herself honestly, there were always repercussions.
There were deadly silences. Stern looks. And the most painful of all, no validation, and withdrawal of attention.
Their possible disappointment and emotional disconnection was unbearable to her gentle soul.
The feeling of not belonging was a subtle ache she learned to live with. This rejection made her feel isolated, and that meant something had to be wrong with her.
So she tried even harder to be more of what they expected.
She grew up suppressing all her hopes, dreams, and longings. She didn't trust what her heart was saying. It was too often minimized and disregarded by the adults.
She knew that living from her intuition and heart was not safe.
Like a sponge, she absorbed and accumulated years of these subtleties. And it was this unseen, unspoken discordance that crushed Her.
It was many decades later that she started to look for her fragmented, yet precious Self.
But it was with a new found, yet familiar sense of joy that she remembered what she came here for.
To love and treasure her Self, first.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6Jy4RMvzLQ
