Why 'NICE' People Desperately Seek Approval And Permission

The ludicrous concept that I recently became vividly self aware of, was that of needing permission and approval. I was unconsciously living my life as if I was waiting to get permission.

To make my own choices, dress a certain way that was comfortable to me, to walk away from circumstances that were toxic and destroying my self worth, to have routines that bought be peace, to get rid of relationships that were no longer serving me, to basically to live life MY way.

But whose permission was I actually seeking? Who was I seeking to please??

For many people and the first obvious answer could be their parents. They may have expected you to be 'successful' in the way they envisaged success.

For example, they may have been raised in a largely poor family and could only dream of going to university to become a lawyer.

Because they missed their opportunity, they enforced their ideal onto you, perhaps even laced it with subtle guilt, hoping, planning for you to fulfill their dream. Reliving their life through yours.

Perhaps they withdrew their approval for something that you expressed you really wanted to do.

Many people seek permission and approval from their friends or social group. They wear the same style skirts, handbags and shoes. They drive similar cars and build similar houses.

The term 'competing with the Joneses' is used to describe this kind of behavior. They join gyms, go on the same diets, participate in group activities that their friends approve of. All their choices are based on their friends approval and acceptance.

Venturing out on your own is disapproved of and is punished by a silently polite withdrawal and general disinterest of your new choice. Its fear inducing to consider that your 'tribe' may disapprove of something new you're curious about. You could embarrass them with your proposal of non conformity.

Another very strongly ingrained sense of needing permission and approval could be from church or a religion we were raised in. Regardless of whether we ourselves as adults still actively participate in its rituals or not, our Inner Critic would have already been domesticated with this subconscious program.

We respond to situations that are supposedly 'sinful' and ruled by a punishing God who watches and judges all our actions, thoughts and behaviors.

Most of us unknowingly behave as if we need society's approval. We hesitantly commit to massive loans for cars and houses we know will keep us financially bound for too many years. But socially a 25 year mortgage is viewed as acceptable and an outward sign of 'success'. So we don't dare publicly question society's norm.

We don't want to be the odd one out, so we conform for fear of losing our friends and society's approval.

All our lives knowingly or unknowingly, are based on seeking permission and approval from something, someone outside of us.

Listening to our own intuition, our Inner Guidance, is questioned, disregarded, and generally viewed with skepticism.

Is it a surprise then, that most of us are existing like obedient servants running on automated programs? That sadly we are not even aware of most of the time? Could this be the basis of the spiritual depression society is denying existence of? Are we EVER free to express who we are?? And what if we never will get approval or permission?

Most of us were not taught to listen to our own heart, or to fearlessly construct a life that we envisage as 'success' based on our values.

Do we have to wait until we are confronted with a crisis and face a confronting fork in the road? Until we are on our deathbed that we realize the only approval and permission we ever needed was our own?

We will look back on our own life and call it a success only based on whether we lived by the guidance of our own heart. Regardless of whether our family, friends, religion, or society evaluated as being successful.

The concept of waiting for permission, and becoming aware of desperately wanting approval, has served as a monumental wake up call for me.

Whose approval do you seek? Whose permission are you waiting for?

You don't need to justify it, wait for permission or approval to live life on your terms. That is your gift that only you came here to share with humanity.

Whilst seeking approval and waiting for permission, we lose precious opportunities to express our true Self.

There's a song that only YOU can hear. It is your destiny to listen and follow the tune of your heart. It is not anyone elses responsibility to make sense of it.

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