Those of us who are fortunate enough to have identified the narcissist/s in our lives are now finally free to start rebuilding our self esteem and identity. Its those people who don't yet know that the Narcissistic Personality Disorder is one that slowly poisons and kills our self worth, while at the same time infects us with guilt and a feeling like we are the crazy ones, that does the most damage.
Any interactions with the narcissist are most likely to be toxic, that is why we walk away confused, exhausted, annoyed, hurt, unacknowledged, disrespected and just plain crazy. So lets keep all interactions brief, calm and on our terms.
Being mindful is the key to successfully engaging the narcissistic personality. Most of us are unaware of how tense and anxious we are when we are even in their presence. Its like we are always psychologically preparing for the worst. You never know which way the wind will blow.
One interaction could be considerate and give us hope, but somewhere deep inside we are always mistrustful. The next day it could be totally opposite and our hope is shattered. This Jekyll and Hide relationship is predictable in its unpredictably!
Some people automatically accept that this high level of stress and agitation is normal. But it is not.
Because our needs, wants, values, dreams, and hopes were never recognized by the narcissist in our lives, we tend to have believed that we are not deserving. We bought into their lies, dominance, and belittling because we lovingly trusted.
What I used to walk away with is wondering how this supposedly loving figure in my life could say the things that he randomly spewed out, be totally unaware that my spirit was totally crushed by their callous remark. I now realize they were incapable of empathizing.
Their only concern was maintaining their control, power, and of course, reputation. I was amazed at how well they glamorized everything they did, they knew, the brilliant friendships they supposedly had, the books they read. There wasn't much i could say to ever impress them because they finished all my sentences.
If I did share something I learned that I thought was impressive I would never get credit. But instead they would use my information by impressing someone else with it, which I heard about later down the grapevine, thus maintaining their image of brilliance and authority. While I was left belittled and unrecognized.
If you still have to deal with a narcissist then it is vital that on a daily basis you spend time alone. Reconnecting to your True Self via meditation, yoga, relaxation or visualization. This time out helps us gain insight, so we can become more objective of ourselves.
Being still in a grounding and spiritual practice allows us to develop our skill of knowing exactly how to react, if, and when. It strengthens our ability to choose and hold our reaction.
No matter how dramatic the narcissist is provoking your emotional response to be, you need to restrain yourself and allow some breathing space for your own reflection. Remember, you don't have to respond instantaneously to everything that happens.
Reacting from fear, anger, shock and outrage is what the narcissist is counting on. Your overreaction will just affirm his control and reinforces his authority.
Be calm, aware and only respond with confidence, clarity and self assertion. Remember, once they start believing that they are losing you as an audience they will go look elsewhere for another admirer, applauding audience member.
I wouldn't recommend sharing any personal information that was deep and heartfelt for you in a moment of weakness either. It will only be a matter of time before its used against you. Either to help establish to others that they have a close relationship with you and they must be a caring person, or to use as blackmail and to make you feel guilty, in case you consider not conforming to what they want you to do.
After interactions with a narcissist you may feel sorry for them because they are so emotionally unaware. However if they get a whiff of your compassion, this will considered as a weakness by them and will be also used against you. If you walk away angry or emotional they will be greatly satisfied their work is done, they still have a faithful and naive follower.
If you continue in their convoluted and irrational conversations they will feel empowered because you are even considering what they are saying. So keep it brief. Don't give it too much mental space. Limit your exposure.
We need to recognize that there are pathways to personal freedom. But we must be vigilant in putting ourselves first. We need to be one step ahead of them, despite them thinking otherwise.
We need to recognize and honor what our body is telling us. We have had so many opportunities to develop our intuition because of the narcissistic personality in our life. Once we have identified this toxic personality we can start to confidently put our intuition to good use. Know your boundaries, set them and keep them!
For me its still a work in progress. But as time goes on and I regain my self confidence and surround myself with ONLY people who love and value me for who I am. I feel like the worst is now behind me.
Learning new skills from others who are further up the path of self worth have been on utmost benefit too.
Interactions with the narcissist now just show me how much Iv grown, and which areas I still need to work on.
I also remind myself repeatedly that I need to BE the peace that I want to see. Not the other way around. My peace and self worth is no longer dependent on anyone but myself. And that is truly empowering.
www.journeythruwellness.com
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