Most of us women have found ourselves in 'ambiguous' relationships at some stage in our lives. Some of us had the self worth to identify what was dysfunctional early on and take action. Too many of us however, stayed in these kind of relationships for too many years. Sometimes for decades, only to look back and see we could've made healthier choices, sooner. If only somebody had told us!
I guess the reason why I'm passionate about the subject of dysfunctional and toxic relationships because I learnt the long and hard way. So it's my intention thru the information that I present, that other women's relationship journeys will be easier.
It's humiliating to even admit to ourselves that we may have tolerated behaviors that we knew deep down were hurting us. Confronting the truth of our suffering in dysfunctional relationships is shame and guilt inducing also.
Our heart desperately wants to believe that we are in a mutually respectful situation. However, we can only deny hearing our intuition for so long. Lying to ourselves is one of the most painful positions to be in.
Women need to realize that if their chosen partner is developmentally incompatible, or isn't willing to address dysfunctional behavior, then love won't be enough.
Answer "yes" or "no" to the following questions to get a better idea if you may be in a dysfunctional relationship.
- Do you feel you need to cover up some of your partners behavior? Excessive drinking, gambling, abuse toward you or others, etc.
- Do you accept behavior most people would find intolerable?
- Do friends tell you they don't understand why you are still putting up with your partner?
- Do you try to avoid contact with these friends?
- Have you told lies or betrayed other people to protect the relationship with your partner?
- Are you becoming isolated?
- Do you possibly have other stress related illnesses? For example, anxiety, insomnia, migraine, symptoms related to Irritable Bowel Syndrome, skin rashes?
- Is your affection, honesty, heartfelt expression, commitment, or love not being reciprocated?
- Are you becoming depressed? Symptoms including, feelings of worthlessness, withdrawal, constant fatigue, trouble thinking clearly, weight loss or gain, becoming less interested in things that previously used to bring you joy.
- Have you acted in ways that go against your own values and beliefs, for the sake of maintaining this relationship?
- Are you having difficulties standing up for your beliefs?
- Have you ever been put in physical danger, or in a situation where physical danger was possible or likely?
- Are the decisions you are making out of fear, guilt, or obligation?
- Does the relationship seem to based more on power and control, than caring and kindness?
- Do you live in confusion and are apprehensive about clarifying issues that concern you?
- Are you emotionally on an unpredictable roller coaster ride, always left guessing about what mood your partner will be in each day?
- Do you feel as if you are walking on eggshells in their presence?
When you have been around these kind of behaviors for a length of time you can become confused about what is normal and what is not. The above questions may assist you in getting some clarity.
Once you become more clear you are in a better position to reach out for help, instead of living in endless confusion, or denial. Clarity can also give you confidence to take action on your behalf.
Remember, awareness of a problem is the first step. Denial of problems reinforces the negative behavior further.
There is no need to endure dysfunction in relationships. People who are not willing to take responsibility for their behaviors need to seek professional help from an objective source, such as a counselor, therapist, or 12 step group.
Further tolerance and sacrifice from their partners enables the cycle to continue. Your acceptance of dysfunctional behavior could also be depriving the other person from opportunities to grow.
I often hear some women say "all men are the same". I totally disagree, because a wise woman decides to stop choosing the same kind of men.
The most common way women give up their power is by thinking they don't have any. However, the truth is that women have tremendous power in putting an end to dysfunctional relationships, and raising the bar on what they accept as loving behavior.
Perhaps its easier said than done, but it sure is easier to confront sooner, rather than in the fifth or tenth year. Never be shy about seeking help, for it doesn't mean that you're weak, but that you are wise!
If this topic resonated with please subscribe to join me, and learn more..
www.journeythruwellness.com
No comments:
Post a Comment