From Bitter To Better: How Has Trauma Transformed You?

We have all experienced trauma, its part of the human condition. Most people consider trauma a one time event. We consider it traumatic to have had experienced the loss of a loved one, a life changing accident, rape, sexual or physical abuse, loss of a job or relationship, for example.

There is also trauma that is more insidious that slowly chips away at our self esteem, our goodness. This form of trauma is very subtle, and its rarely recognized for the negative impact it has. Because our self worth is eroded slowly day by day, we learn to accept that this is normal. That is the long term effects of daily traumatic experiences of being in a long term toxic relationship, or being chronically bullied, for example.

Trauma is very personal to every individuals perception, so not validating someone else’s experience as traumatic for them, is actually an act of re-traumatization.

Trauma is associated with a shattering betrayal of some sort. The way a person experiences, or survives a trauma needs to be respected, certainly not dismissed or minimized in any way. 

When we experience a trauma we become disconnected from our bodies, so we struggle to be fully present. There seems to be a constant sense of nostalgia that we carry, which feel like a loss of something. That something, is our Authentic Self.

Trauma scrambles our sense of right and wrong. It shatters our sense of trust, of security in something or someone we previously believed in. Trauma frequently may express itself via a physical or psychological illness.

Trauma forces us to perceive our life in a different way. It compels us to re-evaluate our perception. And it is in this realization that we face a big fork in the road, so to speak.

Our belief and trust has been shattered, and we have two options. To get justifiably bitter, and remain a victim. Or, we can empower ourselves by gradually learning to possibly see this trauma as a way to totally alter our perception of 'reality' and, go inward.

I certainly can relate to this when after two decades of perceived friendships, goodwill, and consistency of a religion I was raised in since childhood, suddenly withdrew all support. 

The sense of isolation, rejection, and guilt was soul crushing. I knew I was a good person but to all those people I loved, my hearts choice to no longer blindly follow their chosen religion was seen as an act of rebellion against God. And I was severely punished, and shunned.

It took me many years to put this experience into a greater perspective. I’m still realizing valuable lessons and gaining wisdom from that crushing experience, and several other traumas that altered my whole world.

I believe trauma calls us to rebuild ourselves from the inside, to learn to trust our inner senses more. To survive a traumatic event we have to begin to see it through our soul's eyes. Nothing on the outside makes sense, what has happened is totally irrational and there is no justifiable reason for the horrific things we may have endured.

When we experience trauma its the beginning of an awakening process. Its almost like our bubble, what we thought was real, what we relied on, has burst. Our exterior world has been annihilated.

We start to recall all the times when possibly we dismissed urging from our intuition that something wasn't right. A subtle but uncomfortable feeling, a certain tone of voice, an inappropriate behaviour, for example. 

Sometimes there’s no signs at all. No matter how many times we replay the event back in our mind, there are no clues whatsoever.

Because our trust in the outter world has been destroyed we start to hear, and begin to trust our Inner voice more than ever before. And this can truly be traumas biggest blessing. Our biggest opportunity for our evolution.

Trauma can accelerate our ability to be compassionate toward others in ways we were never before. We can connect to others from such a deep place in our heart. Trauma can awaken a deep sense of love, and can even speed up our realization of life purpose.

It can take a long time to begin to depersonalize from our experience of trauma. 

If you are challenged by a traumatic event, are you able to step back and perhaps see all the insight we've gained because of that occurrence? 

 

What helped me gain a wider perspective of some extremely harrowing traumas that I experienced was the new story that I had to tell myself. I began to consider beliefs which helped me survive.

One such story that I live with is that I am an immortal Soul. That this is just one lifetime. It doesn't end for me here, even though the illusion of an aging body seems convincing some days.

The trauma I experienced of watching my mum die excruciatingly of cancer for four years really helped me adopt this belief. I don’t think, I now know, she is an immortal being and with me. I know we are bound by our love.

I remember moments that we both shared of being in a space of seeming eternity. Beyond the horrors of what was going on physically, it was as if she was untouchable. Her loving presence in those ghastly and incomprehensible moments confirmed my belief in a non physical reality.

The trauma of being forced to let go of the identification of the body I recognized as my mum was very painful. I had to go In and embrace new beliefs to be able to survive this shattering transition. 

Regarding perpetrators of trauma, I'm now choosing to believe that they really don’t know what they are doing. They truly must be in a dark place themselves. Unaware, disconnected, perhaps coerced by their own unexamined beliefs. Only hurt people, hurt other people.

So my journey continues. I know I need to transcend my ego, my anger, rage and bitterness, and see all trauma through my Higher Self's eyes. Trauma seems to be our calling to awaken to spirit. 

I've also come to the conclusion that by me not being able to change my perspective of trauma I'm further hurting myself by repeating the story internally. I must change the story to keep it from re-truamatizing myself. The past is the past, and I refuse to let it take away from the brilliant life I have now. 

Yes its easier said than done. But I have learned to ask for help and there are amazing people and therapies that can help us crawl out of that deep hole called trauma. We don't have to be alone in our healing.

I can choose to stay bitter for the rest of my life, or get better, expand my heart space beyond what I thought I was capable of.

It is challenging and takes commitment. But every day, and with every conscious thought, I'm being compassionate toward myself We are all walking each other home.

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